shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
