If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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