I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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