birth control should be required to get into college
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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