He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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