it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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