look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
