$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
