were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize