i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
