Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
