did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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