I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i have two assholes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize