The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
