Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
