so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
