I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
