i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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