My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
