I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
