oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
