somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
