The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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