my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
