I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
