is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
