I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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