already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
