I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I faked an abortion last night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
