I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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