Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
