Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
