what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize