I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
