My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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