That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this boner is exhausting
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
