You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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