Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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