His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
