He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Houston, we have a blender
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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