were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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