so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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