The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
