I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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