Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
