I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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