After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
