if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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