You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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