he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
