put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
