i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
