When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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