i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize