barbara walters just said penis...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
