Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
