I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
