apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
