As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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