we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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