Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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