There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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