You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
