His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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