My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
