My cat gives me a boner
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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