i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize